I feel like, very quietly, the end of the decade has snuck up on us. It was only yesterday I was standing on a porch in the Poconos, banging some pots around, lighting off fireworks and rejoicing the reality that Y2K didn't send us into a societal freefall. Ahhh, those were the days. That being said, it's been a pretty great ten years. There probably isn't a more interesting time in life than your 20s. You're out of school. Hopefully employed. Have a little freedom. And the world hasn't yetbeaten you into a bloody pulp. But rather than rehash it all in one, big, long narrative (I will be doing that later with my Memoir - Don’t Put That on the Stove! Are You Trying to Burn the Whole House Down?: The Doug Norrie Story) I thought we could run through some awards. Let's hand them out.
Road trip of the Decade (What was I thinking award) - To the bus trip I took from Philadelphia to Denver. I talked myself into this for two reasons. I saved about $150 by busing it rather than flying and I thought it would make a good story because I had just read the most overrated book of all time, On the Road by Jack Kerouac. I expected a carefree little jaunt through the Heartland. What I got was a 42 hour death sentence complete with a guy who I believed to be a serial killer, an Indian woman with a face full of sores sleeping on my shoulder, an extended layover in the most depressing place on Earth (the bus station in Omaha), an evangelical bus driver who took us through Nebraska (with God as his co-pilot) and a guy who snored so loud for about eight hours that I thought I might just have to commit justifiable homicide.
Student of the Decade (Ridiculous quote award): This goes in a landslide to Mr. Romane V. who I actually taught twice: second and fifth grades. This kid was a quote machine. So much so that a couple of years back I printed up a mini book of things he had uttered throughout the year. I attached it to this email. Have fun. Some highlights: "Mr. Norrie, did you know my favorite President is... Frankenstein?" and in response to the question "What are you looking at?" he said, "The sun. I wish it would gain 10,000 pounds." Good kid. But I have nightmares that in 15 years I will be in the emergency ward of a hospital after suffering my first of many heart attacks and will hear over the PA, "Paging Dr. V, Dr Romane V."
Job Interview of the Decade (Life-saving award) - Some of you know how I got my current job, for the rest of you, here goes. I was working at a summer camp in the off season when a school group came to use the facilities. I just happened to also be looking for a teaching job. While eating lunch with said school group, one of the kids started choking. I, in superhero-like speed and grace, gave him the heimlich manuever and dislodged a piece of taco from his throat. Three days later I had an interview. A week later I had the job. I've been teaching at Pleasantdale ever since. If you got your present-day job in a more grandiose fashion I'd love to hear it.
Living Situation of the Decade (Feels like home award) - Tough call here as I've lived in a ton of places this decade including: a cabin in the woods by myself, another cabin with some good friends, my buddy's parent's house, a 3 bedroom house with no furniture, my in-laws, a basement in Verona and the dining room of a condo in Colorado. But I have to give the award to my apartment in Belleville. In the summer it was 130 degrees; in the winter below freezing. The living room and kitchen were the same 150 square foot stretch. There was only one closet and it had no door. I only had a love seat to sit in, a futon to sleep on and a free-standing radiator that liked to occasionally blast out a steady torrent of steam giving the whole place a refreshing Rain Forest-like vibe. Also, Francis, the owner and lady who lived downstairs was about 107 years old and liked to randomly scream at me for things like parking in the driveway. Loved every minute of it. Which leads me too...
Roommate of the Decade - Another tough one with many options. Too many to name, (not true I just don't feel like it) but there is one guy who stands head and shoulders above the rest. Simon Ashmele. A British national I worked with at Camp Mason near the beginning of the decade. Simon loved a good game of snooker. His favorite movie of all time was the remake of Halloween. He listened nonstop to movie scores (the only music he would listen to). He ate spaghetti on top of matzoh. He wore a fanny pack. He owned matching pajama pants, top and slippers. He once gave another man the same pajama set as a gift (I was not that man, I swear).
***Very Close Second to Christopher "28 on the 28 on the 28" Lengle: Once tore his hamstring reenacting a dance he had been doing with a girl the night before. Accidentally lit girlfriend's hair on fire while having sex on New Years Eve. Went to pick up said girlfriend at the airport except he went to the airport in the wrong state. (Greensboro, NC instead of Greenville, SC). Went on a road trip. Stopped in Austin. Liked the town. Bought a house. Chris was a man among boys.
Reality Check of the Decade (Gut-wrenching award) - This wasn't one isn't even close. Finding out I am going bald (am bald) wins in a total and complete landslide. Nothing else is even in the rearview. In fact I detail this discovery in this blog post. No need to relive it again but rest assured I haven't begun to miraculously grow any hair back yet.
Sports Moment of the Decade (Improbable award) - This decade was packed full of meaningful sports moments for me. The Red Sox finally won the World Series, then two years later won again. The Giants upset the big, bad Patriots in one of the greatest Super Bowl finishes ever. I ran three miles in a row without stopping to puke. But after careful consideration, I need to give the award to Christopher "Toph" Miller. The scenario: Senior Year. Juniata College. Intramural Softball Championships. My team has a three year, undefeated streak. It's the bottom of the last inning. We are down by one run. Toph, who's batted last and been relegated to right field the entire season came to the plate with a man on second. And with one swing he drove a ball over the right field fence for the improbable walk off victory. We stormed the field, never having lost a softball game in college and carried Toph off to the bar to celebrate.
*If I had won KeiserPong the previous paragraph would have read very differently.
** Honorable mention goes to the kickball game we played with the bridal parties and families the day before Breen's and my wedding. I'm not mentioning it because I kicked a homerun or that I famously ended the game right after my team had taken the lead claiming, "We need to go to the rehearsal now Game is over. We win." No, I mention this because the runner up for the sports moment goes to my friend Mike Pac for showing up late to the game, trying to bunt in kickball and then absolutely barreling over Breen's friend Erika on his way to legging out an infield single.
Vacation of the Decade (Just in the nick of time award) - The road trip Breen and I took to New Orleans was great for many reasons. I stroked the back of an unsuspecting woman (thought it was Sabrina) while on a tour of Graceland, got harassed by the creepiest park ranger in history, and took a walking tour of the French Quarter at noon, in August But this vacation gets the award for Sabrina and I outrunning Hurricane Katrina. Literally. We were in Mississippi camping. We couldn't believe our good fortune to be on the beach without another soul in sight. We relaxed, went kayaking (with dolphins), swam, and generally just lazed about. When we got back to our campsite we went to the office to re-up for another night. Why not? The manager told us we couldn't because the whole town was being evacuated and we had limited time to bust out of Dodge before the storm hit. We packed up and hit the road. 16 hours later Katrina did its thing.
*Worth mentioning here is my sister and brother-in-law's honeymoon. They went to beautiful Riviera Maya, Mexico. Then Hurricane Wilma struck and they spent the majority of the honeymoon holed up in a Mexican schoolhouse with no running water, no toilets, wet mattresses, and a resort worker standing guard with a machete outside the door. Romantic.
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Its been a phenomenal decade. I plan on living the next ten years with the sole intention of having things to write in the next "Decade Awards" in 2019 so it should be pretty interesting. I hope everyone has a great holiday, a happy New Year, and a fantastic 2010.
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