No Child is Left Behind on a Snow Day

If you want an overblown weather report about impending snow just take a stroll down to your local elementary school. It doesn’t matter where you live. If there is even a hint of snow in the forecast I guarantee that is the main topic in any hallway in any school in America. Teachers are a sad bunch. They will constantly refresh weather reports on the internet, confer with colleagues on their thoughts about a possible school closing, and perform various rituals they feel will increase the chance of a whiteout.

Two day ago was one of those days at P’dale. The weather report called for a 30% chance of 1-2 inches of snow. Now I took that prediction as a 70% chance of nothing. That didn’t stop the hysteria though. The day was filled with speculation, wishing, praying, and a vast majority of teachers staring longingly at the sky. In situations like this I take a firm stance. I have been called a “downer” or “pessimist” for my reluctance to ever admit that we might have a snow day.

I wasn’t always such a curmudgeon. But then I got burned. During my second year of teaching there was a night where the weatherman predicted an imminent storm. It was not a matter of whether snow would fall, but rather how much digging we would be doing in the morning. As I watched humongous, digital clouds engulf the map of Jersey I decided to have a couple of libations and dismissed even the thought of going to bed. This was a slam dunk. I even made plans for the next day. I would sleep in, read a bit and then when it cleared up a bit, go shopping for some things I needed. In the meantime a couple more beers would put a nice touch on the night.

It’s easy to see where this is going. I finally went to bed at around 2AM, content, comfortable and looking forward to a day of slumber. For some reason I woke up at about 4 in the morning. Just for shits and giggles I decided to look outside. Um what? There wasn’t even a flake on the ground. I glanced at the streetlight (obviously the best place to look to see how hard it was coming down) and saw nothing but soft fluorescent. No precipitation.

First I panicked. The call for a snow day usually comes at 5AM which only gave the weather an hour to turn around. Then I let out a string of expletives directed at Sam Champion. At this point I knew I was in trouble. I hurried back into bed and squeezed my eyes praying for sleep. Fat chance. All I could think about was the great day I supposed to have and it was ruined. There would be no snow, but that didn’t stop me from lying in bed for the next hour and half waiting for a call that never came.

Now I already explained what a day before a storm is like in school. Surprisingly it pales only in comparison to a day where there was SUPPOSED to be a storm. If you want to see people cursing their lot in life, just head down to the local school on one of these days. Its apathy and anger at their very best. Teachers feel as if they have been cheated. It’s ugly. No teaching occurs, just apathy. So yesterday when I got the call for a snow day I was happy. Not because I knew I would be spending the day in bed, but because the kids wouldn’t have to endure a day of bitterness and cruelty.