I probably don’t need to elaborate more on this topic than what the title already states, but let’s see if I can push a couple hundred words out about it. I am in the gym today finishing up my normal routine of:
Enter gym
Find interesting magazine
Get changed
20 minutes on elliptical machine (Fat Burn setting, level 5)
Get drink
Stare at weight lifting equipment
Get another drink
Put on sweatshirt, get out car keys, call it a day
Well today, somewhere between steps 7 and 8, my routine was broken up when I endured what can only be described as the most disturbing millisecond of my life.
Now before I elaborate on this I need to explain some of my own, personal aversions to nudity. More specifically, my staunch unwillingness to be naked. I like clothes. Better yet, I love clothes. I like having them on. I like them covering my various flaws and I love having the comfort of more than one layer. Clothes are like my security blanket. I have nightmares about being naked. These aren’t ones where I have to give a speech and all of a sudden I am in my birthday suit. No in these dreams I have chosen my own personal hell as I have misplaced my clothes and now I am forced to go through my regular life without them. They are some of the most chilling sleep experiences I have. I avoid nudity at almost all costs and I expect others to adhere to this –ism.
Unfortunately, the gentleman at the locker next to me at the gym did not embody (pun?) the same beliefs as I. No, he was your classic, “I’m at the gym, conventional norms do not exist in this space” kind of guy. Clothes be damned. To make a long story short, I was hunched over my bag getting out my sweatshirt when I felt a presence next to me. Out of sheer instinct, like a jungle animal that smells danger, I turned toward the left. That’s when I saw it. Since time is a quantifiable measurement (at least by our Earthly standards) I am sure some scientist somewhere could calculate how long I looked, but I would like to see the clock that computes that quickly. Nanoseconds would feel like centuries. Rest assured I looked away but not before the image burned itself into the recesses of my brain. No cheap jokes about him buying me dinner first.
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2 comments:
Reminds me of the time I saw the previous Executive Director at camp in his birthday suit after a sweaty round of meadow games. Those images are burned into your mind and hard to delete.
Down with the public locker room Nudies!!!
I joined a gym once and the ladies partake in the same locker room antics. I know this seems "not so bad" to men, but just picture some older rumpled ladies with the sagging and lack of grooming. I had no business being there. No one needs to see any of that. Especially not up close and personal!
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